Monday, July 24th, 2006

Daily Archive

“WHEN YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR
DO YOU SMASH IT QUICK
DO YOU TAKE THE GLASS
AND SLASH YOUR WRISTS”

From 'Identity' by X-Ray Spex

Hollywood physics would have made the scene impossible without a bong anchoring our little circle… Dim lighting, Hank Williams revolving slowly in the corner and meandering discussion of art certainly seems the likely result of some serious puffing and gagging but really there was a nearly empty box of Pacifico in the kitchen and many more empty cans of Pabst in my own personal history predating that… Somehow someone had pulled a notebook from a shelf and we were examining a quick sketch of an image from a dream and I was surprised that someone would attempt to preserve a memory by drawing– maybe this is another reason why discussions of art typically find me out on the porch or back stairwell smoking a cigarette…

Meanwhile the kids, both past and present conscripts at McArt, were a little mystified about my concentration on the events of my (rare) remembered dreams over the setting… Looking at the sketch I couldn't possibly imagine trying to relate in any detail what was pictured but I guess the crux of their curiosity is that it never really would have occured to me to take a moment to mention what things actually looked like while I swam around the horrors of my sub-conscious…

 I'm pretty sure this is how we ended up with my head needing scratching… Are you gonna wear your suit (recently bought to appear as a flackey in someone's recent wedding) for Twin Peaks? If you could dress to immitate your ideal what would that be? At first I took this as a gentle jab about my slovenly nature but a quick study of the other two in the room found little room for such criticism… I didn't understand, rambling about how I'm not very flamboyant, but apparantly my course was still set for a reef… If you could dress up without any societal constraints and 'become' someone or something what would that be? Like in bearskins? There was a begrudging yeah while wheels spun inside heads… Mine jumped the rails:

I used to run around town wearing this grey (soft)collared shirt that a friend had given me to impress prospective employers up and down the downtown offices… It may not seem particularly fancy but a grey button-down and Ben Davis was a big step in a direction from my evaporating t-shirts and jeans with holes in the seat… Obviously I never got any of the jobs but every time I was waiting outside smoking a cigarette watching the suits and bums stagger about I always felt like I'd infiltrated something– like a secret agent but with cheap plastic sunglasses that didn't shoot lasers at foreign dignitaries… I obviously didn't belong anywhere around here, certainly had no business standing on the steps of some 30-story office block, but this costume let me slip in and out of places effortlessly… Usually I get followed around the store when I buy toilet paper…

 Since I'd been drinking all day I related this to the other occupants of the room but the earlier begrudging yeah was revoked and I was stamped 'ignorant' and the

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matter moved on to some other one in the morning heart-felt, mind-expanding topic… But somewhere in the head the conversation had found a corner and taken a nap and when it woke up the next morning it began raising hell, demanding attention and wanting to know if I still thought it was beautiful or not…

It reminded me of a friend who worked at a TV station which was decidedly unhip and clueless… She had purchased and on occassion wore a studded belt which I thought was some serious Hot-Topic contrived bullshit but she found liberating… When she wore a belt people at her work had no idea what to make of it… Was she a slut? Is she into bondage? Maybe it's punk-rock? None of these were true but because people supplied their own answers she could exploit their interpretations and live as something other than herself for a little while…

If I had time… But I don't…

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One night not too long ago I was in a fine drinking establishment – I honestly can't remember which one – when 50 Cent's “In Da Club” came on. Shocking, I know. If you've been semi-lucid and in the proximity of any alcohol in the past four years, this situation has happened to you. Indeed, on the racetrack of possibilities where hearing this song is the course marker, I can't even guess at what lap this commemorated. But I'm pretty sure I'm losing. At previous listenings, this song has triggered the conditioning I underwent at the hands of high school dances where dark lights, bouncing girls, and driving bass boost heart rates and erode taste, causing me to get up and shake my thang. This masterpiece is in every DJs 'break in case of emergency' tool box. On this occasion, however, my Pavlovian response was on vacation and what I heard was not a man in control of his situation – a Caesar of debauchery and violence sent to lead us into a Golden Age of intoxication, ecstacy, and patriarchal absolutes – but a poser who insists on the claims he's making all the more emphatically because deep down he's terrified they're not true. Not that I thought 50 was an icon of truthiness before, but the slick-yet-dirty production and intensity of the song suspended my disbelief under circumstances that could best be

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described as 'spinny.' Instead of a universal rallying cry for all things booty, the song became the introductory monologue of a character that you know is going to realize the hollowness of his efforts at the end of the play, unseated by a more virtuous and humble upstart; a call of desperation by someone so deep in the carrion of excess that they saw no way out. In this ironic light, the following lyrics took on a whole new meaning:

You can find me in the club, bottle full of Bud Mama, I got that X, if you into takin' drugs I'm into having sex, I ain't into making love So come give me a hug if you into getting rubbed… …And you should love it, way more then you hate it Nigga you mad? I thought that you'd be happy I made it I'm that cat by the bar toasting to the good life You that faggot ass nigga trying to pull me back right?

In my mind, 50 Cent went from the most indictable proponent of fratboy narcissism to one of the most brilliant critics of the same behavior. If you can hear the words in this way, it's like one of those 3D computer generated images where you have to cross your eyes a certain way: Everything in the song takes on new meaning. Other

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mind games you can play with yourself to make life more interesting:

  1. When watching talk shows, pretend all the guests are stoned. (works better with some celebrities – Harrison Ford, surprisingly – than with others)
  2. Instead of just walking down the street, imagine you're on top of the world rotating it with your feet. Also works when walking up stairs and feeling like you're pushing the whole world down.

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